you know what? you two have made me lose my faith in friendships.
i thought we could get along quite well,
but i was wrong. 
even after years of being friends,
you all still take me for granted.
only 1 phrase can describe our friendship: "Two's a company, three's a crowd."
idk how to explain to you two how sucky it feels to be left out,
but i don't think i'll attempt to.
if you two can even relate to how i'm feeling,
this won't be the end result.

i thought we developed some form of mutual understanding over the years,
i guess it was just my assumption.
it never turned out the way i thought.

from now on, i'll just find new friends,
and you two can just be like any other ordinary friends i have.

goodbye.

it's 11.53am now and i'm here blogging cos I CAN'T SLEEP. D:
what a horrible feeling,
i need to get up by 6am btw. 
does chocolates make you stay awake? 
cos i had quite a lot of them at work just now. :/

got a part time job at some french chocolate company: Monbana.



it's quite fun and you get to drink tons of hot chocolate.
not a fan of chocolates actually cos it makes me have a lot of phlegm.
but i'm not saying i don't like the taste of chocolates, who doesn't? (:

hopefully some friends will be dropping by this saturday while i'm working
cos i'll be working ALONE. D:
praying hard i won't get difficult customers, no one will be there to save me. 
it'll only be my 2nd day at work and i've gotta open the shop by myself. 
i really don't like doing things alone especially when i don't have the confidence.

anyway, life in uni rather no life. sense the irony?
friends keep asking me if i've got a bf, the only thing i can reply is: i'm dating my textbooks and notes.
come on, i barely have time to revise, moreover getting myself involved in relationships. 
i'll broadcast it if i have a bf for sure. HAHAHAHA. just kidding.

one semester is ending already, leaving 7 more to go and i'm a graduate. (wow.)
time really flies and it's scary. orientation was not too long ago and sem 1 is ending already. 
soon after, i'll no longer be a freshman. :/

seeing how time flies, i realise i really don't wanna grow up.
feels really old to be pass the 19 year old mark. 
seeing my colleagues at work who are only 16 or 18 makes me feel damn damn old.
(but they still look older than me somehow. HAHAHA. (Y))

alright, time to attempt to sleep again.
do comment if you've read my post! (:

so my brother and i have just dominated the house since my mum just left for Israel.
rather cool place to travel to, got to go there before i die or before the world ends. 
my must-go list includes:
1) Venice
2) France
3) Germany
4) Italy
5) South Africa
6) USA
7) Israel
8) Egypt
9) basically everywhere out of Asia
i guess i need to marry a rich guy so he can sponsor all my trips. HAHAHA.
doubt i'll ever earn enough money to travel to so many places in such short time. 

enough of my travelling fantasy.
school has been ridiculously mugger.
i wouldn't say mugging should not exist, but at least not in the 1st month after school reopened. D:
i was still in orientation mood 1 month after orientation,
no one was mugging at this point of time 2 years back. 
what a sadistic reality i'm back in,
just like the A levels mugging days. D:
i thought it was over for good.

to those who told me uni life was just like honeymoon compared to jc life:
STOP LYING TO EVERYONE.
reality does NOT seem to tally with what you said.

having 8-to-6 lessons about 3 times a week is insane. 
i'm not saying i have 3-day-school week (i wish),
just saying i end early on the other 2 days.
maybe i should be thankful that i'm in this rather than project-based modules,
i'm not a project kinda person,
i'm the queen of procrastination.
having short lectures and more free time (expected to be spent doing projects)
wouldn't have been ideal for me,
so maybe i should accept my sad fate of long timetables.

just some updates about school. (:
do drop a comment when you read this!
i'm just curious who have.

first of all, happy national day singapore! 
i'm not in the celebratory mood at all,
for some reason it isn't as joyous as the past years for me. 
maybe it'll come tonight when i watch the ndp show, perhaps.

skipped rag day, feel so unenthu about everything in uni.
i've never been so unenthu before, at least not in the past 6 years of sec sch and jc life. :/
moreover i was from HOUSE EXCO, the craziest and highest bunch of people in school.
so ironic right? 

oh dear, school is starting in 2 days! 
there goes my 8 months of holidays. ):
don't think i'll ever have proper holidays for the next 4 years of my life.
hope that school life in uni will be fun.  (:

my timetable is like 8 to 6 almost everyday. 
plus the 1h plus traveling everyday, i'm so gonna be so so so shag.
maybe i should crash someone's hall/residence soon. :D

i think it's time to me to lose some fats soon before i become unrecognisable. 
okay, i'm exaggerating.
i think i grew fat a lot cos metabolism went down after sec sch,
but i'm still eating the same portion as before. 
quite monstrous as some guys told me. HAHAHA.
but eating is a bliss k. (:
i ought to be thankful that my metabolism is considered relatively high,
or else i could have ended up much fatter than now. 

anyways, time for some sakae buffet tomorrow with the girls! :D 
quite contradictory to the previous para, i know.
last chance to indulge before school. 
heehee. 

toodles!

hello beloved readers (if there are any),
I am back from Kuala Lumpur! 
firstly, i'm thankful that we didn't meet any riots there.
the "riot" that we met with was caused by Liverpool's arrival at The Pavillion (one of the shopping malls).
apparently there was a really bad jam cos of the influx of fans from everywhere!
different parts of m'sia, maybe overseas even. 

anyway, in short,
i bought lots of stuff.
spent quite a lot, but it was satisfying.
at least i know i won't buy so much stuff at cheap prices like that. (: 
most of the clothes were selling at RM25 (= ~ S$10)
insane ttm can!!
plus the material isn't the lousy and transparent kind,
unlike some bugis street clothes, argh.

not a lot of shoes/sandals for me, only bought one pair of sandals. 
quite sad about it actually, cos it's one of my to-buy things. :/
at least it was cheap, like ~S$18 for F21 sandals. CRAZY.

ate super a lot, cheap food for sure cos of currency advantage. 
love eating there, good food plus affordable.
needless to think. :D

the flight back was damn scary, saw lightning strike pass the clouds in the sky.
HATE LIGHTNING PLEASE. D: 
at least we couldn't hear thunder. 
it was so vivid cos it's so near to the plane, maybe like 50m away only?
i don't think i can get over my fear of taking planes and seeing lightnings. 
but at least i'm back in one piece. yay. 

hope my spending frenzy won't apply in SG,
i don't think my finances can support. D:
sucks much, how i wish everything was cheaper here.

thank you girls for making our first trip abroad such an enjoyable one,
i'm sure we'll have lots of opportunity in the near future to travel together. 
love you all! <3

i still can't believe the 8 months of holidays are ending already. ):
it felt like it was gonna last forever when A Levels just ended,
but now, counting down to school reopening is just 3 weeks.
HOW SAD. D:
but nonetheless, i didn't waste my holidays away. 

from the end of As, i've gone overseas like 3 times.
i think this is so insane, never gone overseas so often before,
but i like it. :D 
singapore is too boring.
i'm going KL tomorrow btw, which makes it the 4th time.
heehee. happy like a bird.

got my driving license within this hols as well,
feel very accomplished about it. (:
spent a bomb of course, around $1.9k?
regretted not taking up private instead,
seems like school students passing rate isn't that fantastic.
i'm feeling sad as well, cos idk when will be the next time i can drive a car. ):
anyone wants a chauffeur? i'll drive you for free. 

worked at some dental clinic as a dental nurse,
not a bad experience but definitely not a fantastic one.
maybe it's a good that i'm not smart enough to be in dentistry. (:
hope i get my remaining pay soon!!

for those who are curious where i'm going for uni,
i'm in NUS Pharmacy. (:
used-to-be dream course, swayed towards dentistry, and now back. (:
i'm glad i'm in this course and i thank God for this.
for i know without Him,
i would not have made it into this course. (:
my grades weren't fantastic enough for sure,
just hoping i can cope with the smarty pants around.

just some polaroids to make this post colourful. (: 
super in love with Lilo & Stitch films! 
i'll be more than grateful if anyone buys me films as present.
HEEHEE. *hint hint*

So much shit happened today.

It started off with the supposedly exciting driving test that i can't wait to clear. And guess what? I failed with 44 demerit points. WTS. Who on earth scores more than 40 demerit points seriously? Sounds like a amateur driver would do that but i've been through 25 freaking lessons and even my instructors said that I should pass it without a problem. Shit that tester seriously. He ruined my entire day. Cried when I came home but I'm fine with it already. Mood ruined for the entire day, I thought the Friday the 13th curse wouldn't be true. Just my luck to get such an a-hole tester. Argh. Waste of money to book for prac test and revision lesson all over again. WASTE MY TIME AND MONEY.

Then it was a letter of NUS: a rejection letter. Pretty fine with that since I doubt that Pharmacy would want me. Oh wells, maybe I'm meant to go SMU biz then. Rather comforting to know that I know a few familiar faces. (: From nanyang, cedar, feels good to know at least someONE. Looking forward to uni life, I'm rather sick of monotonous working life. 

And more shit happened before today. I don't understand why am i feeling this way. I feel rather negative about the whole _______. I understand that feeling burden is natural, but not in a negative way. I even had thoughts of giving up on _______. I don't like it when problems arise, and you suddenly get blamed for something you didn't do. Being wrongly accused of things I didn't do is a NO NO for me. It all started with miscommunication which we didn't get to clear up, thus the eventual consequences. Ah, whatever. I'm just gonna try my best in whatever I'm in-charge of. Please do not randomly dump jobs to me as though I've got all the time in the world even though you may think I'm capable. Even if I am, I'm unwilling to be in-charge of more stuff considering my current workload. 

I need to stop ranting. I know I have bothered quite a few friends today cos of my bad mood. Thanks for being there. I truly appreciate your listening ears and consoling words. (: Thank you for everything. Even though I'm not a person who shows her appreciation well, you all should know that I appreciate my friends a lot. So once again, THANK YOU. :D 

somtimes, i just feel that i have no guts.
no guts to do things that i know i have to do,
no guts to do things that i want to do. 
i know there will be regrets,
but i just can't bear to face the consequences.

someone once told me that life is all about making choices.
totally true, but the hard fact is that choices incur consequences.
i'd rather not make the choices in order not the face the consequences.
seems like i've been doing that in many situations. 

whenever it comes to making a decision, i've always been a highly cautious person.
rather particular of how people will think of me,
highly conscious about people's perspective.
come to think of it, i should live my own life.
not that i should disregard everybody in my life,
but to do things that i will not regret.

many a times we make decisions cos of friends around us,
but i guess as we grow up,
friends have different lives they've got to lead. 
it'll be weird if everyone were to go through the same thing:
same school, same course, same job, same _____, same _____...
MONOTONOUS WORLD.

so i've decided: to be a person who'll do things i will not regret.
this shall be my resolution for this year. (: 

idk why i felt like posting this.
doesn't really make sense to be thinking philosophical at 2am.
so that's all from philosophical Esther. 
goodbye!

I hate the anonymous comments posted by idk who on my random lj posts.
It's just like spamming on someone's tagboard on blogger,
I'd rather use blogger like that. 
Hope they'll remove this spamming shit. 

Anyways, today was an awesome day.
It started off with a not so awesome interview at NUS.
Not sure whether I should go in the first place,
but I should not do something I will regret.
Apparently it was a written test + group interview for pharmacy.
So the written test was about some newspaper article regarding improvement 
in accessibility for the physically disabled,
followed by a funny question:
Which cell in the body would you want to be? And why?

I think I crapped my way through that.
As for the group interview, it was rather relaxing.
Although I pretty much know that my chances are slim,
I'm glad I went. 
Pharmacy was my die-hard dream once,
but I'm not really sure if I should plunge into it
since the job scope is really limited. ): 

Met up with 0903 today, the awesome-est class in nanyang. :D 
Though the guys were freaking late and didn't pay up for our fish&co dinner,
I shall forgive them. HAHAHA.
And you all owe me bb tea still for making us wait so long. 
Played at PlayNation, super crazy but I like.
I shall upload the retarded videos when I'm free. 
I'm gonna have so many enemies after this. 

Insanely fun day, love my classmates.
Hope they'll continue to be as bonded as today,
and hopefully the rest will appear as well. (: 

HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYY. :D 

so sad that i can cry now.